Just another day

 

As he grows

The wee man has reached an age where he just seems older, bigger and possibly even wiser. You can actually have a proper conversation with him now and well actually he never stops talking. We have reached that stage where we really have to be careful what we say. His favourite questions is "What's that?" like a sponge absorbing everything. "Mummy look", at even the smallest thing, "it's a tree". "Yes baby just like the other tree next to it that you just pointed out." 

Even his tantrums have "developed" as he becomes ever so smarter and wiser to his mummy. I have a limit I can reach sometimes and I start raising my voice, getting ever more cross and then he does his thing. He looks at you and smiles and says "Mummy" and when I don't answer he says it again looking closer at you with that cheeky grin "Mummy". What is a mother supposed to do really?

The other day I said to him that he needed to take his shoes off before he could play and before I knew it there he was sitting down pulling his own shoes off. I get it, nothing to write home about and jump around screaming "he did it, can you believe it! he did it!" but I'll be honest a small part of me looked on in awe. It's because it is that step towards independence no matter how small it is. That step towards relying less on his mummy. I like to believe and hope that he will always "need" me but he is slowly becoming his own little person and it is always a beautiful thing to watch and be a part of.

I'm linking this up with Small steps Amazing achievments over at Ethan's Escapades

The positive me

My journey started what now seems like a while ago but yet remains so fresh that I still take each step slowly and don't want to look too far ahead. I catch myself thinking sometimes that maybe I'm being a bit over confident, what if I write something positive and then it all goes down hill again. Anyway here goes.

I'm not sure at what point I decided that I needed to start looking for work again. We decided it was still important that my wee man continued at nursery and he was there for 3 days a week. I always managed to fill my days but it started getting a bit difficult to justify. Obviously financially we were losing out but we tried not to make that put any pressure on any decision that I made. I know I would have never gotten to that point without talking to someone. I had done counselling before though and the whole process of having to think it through myself and not just get the quick fix answer frustrated me. This time though I was in a really scary place and it bubbled up and spurted out and talking helped. It helped me through the muddle and to find some perspective. I never thought I could see any positive in what was happening but counselling helped me to see that I was not failing and giving up. I was struggling and needed a change and needed to move on and I was learning a whole lot about myself. It was okay to take the time to find myself again. 

I'll never find the perfect me but I will settle for the positive. The healthier less negative me. I sometimes still feel overwhelmed and my initial instinct of panic hits me. The place where I am now is that I am able to catch myself before the fall. I know a bit more of what I want and a balance that can make me happy.

I love being a mum. I knew that going back to work had to be part time. I had to find a balance that suited me. The days I have with my wee man are very important to me. I have a job that is 3 days a week and 9 to 5 and I'm not bringing "the baggage" of work home with me. 

So here I am not charging ahead but moving forward and hopefully being continuously positive.

Silent Sunday

Drawing and jumping

It was by no means planned but Thursday turned into a themed day about drawing and jumping. Drawing shapes and jumping from one to the other. A football pitch suddenly has many uses as it provides the perfect background for pictures. After drawing circles around ourselves what else could be we do but jump from one to the other.

After our afternoon nap my plan was just some baking and then we got some paper and the pencils out until he spotted the chalk. He decided it was time to go downstairs in the "garden". Never mind we don't have a garden. The walkway around our car park thankfully works okay for chalk. He obviously had fun in the morning as we were jumping into shapes again. I guess it's a substitute for hopscotch. Trust me this jumping stuff is hard work and good exercise!