A mum and a wife and sometimes just me

Sunday, 7 February 2016

Feeding the Diva

This is the type of post that sits in your head but you are not quite sure how to write it, much less give it the right title. The thing is my breastfeeding journey with the diva has been a very large part of my journey as a second time mum. It started the same way like with the wee man, positive. She presented as a good feeder, we had a good latch, all the right things were being said. Yet a week in and I was being told again - the baby has lost too much weight - the baby is still not putting on enough weight. Tired enough from the lack of sleep during the night, craving for whatever rest I could get during the day I had again to express and top up feeds. Thankfully at least this time half an hour of expressing actually produced something. I cried as I could not believe it was happening again. I can't explain that feeling of defeat when you think you might have to give up breastfeeding. As ready as I was to accept that I may have to offer the Diva formula it felt "bad". That's why personally I can't watch videos which shows how natural and "beautiful" breastfeeding is supposed to be. Great if you appreciate and love all the artsy photos of mummies breastfeeding as it is no longer my cup of tea. For me and many other women I met it was hard work. So many stories of sore and bleeding breasts, difficulties with the latch, babies not putting on weight. Sometimes there did not seem to be a specific reason and there certainly weren't any straightforward answers! I joined a group run by my local children's centre and went every Monday. It's probably what got me through those first weeks and here I am a year later still breastfeeding. I am actually here with a Diva who refuses everything except the breast and finds it the best form of comfort but her "attachment" to me is a whole new post! I gave myself time limits... I can do this till 3 months.... Ok I can do this till 6 months. Yet it was constantly meeting other women who too really struggled with breastfeeding that got me through it. Sometimes it just felt like she would never finish a feed and no I don't miss constantly waking throughout the night as sleep deprivation was crazy real for me.

We did both get more confident at it and now that it's not a life sustainer a mum can relax a little. Latching and positioning are finally a worry of the past. Actually the question I get greeted with now is when am I going to stop. Being proud of how far we have come and squeezing those thighs and thinking "gosh this is from my hard work" has maybe made me a bit sensitive of the subject. It's a shame there needs to be any sort of hashtag about normalising breastfeeding because how else is my diva supposed to eat. That part of breastfeeding being natural makes sense as that's what breasts were made for. It's really noones business how you choose to feed your child so I don't take part in the whole breast versus bottle debate. I made my choice though and battled to see it through so when I hear of anyone having an issue of women breastfeeding in public it does pain me. I mean I lost ownership of my breasts long ago, they don't "pop" out when she wants to feed and if you see anything sexual about me feeding my child then you have a problem. I thankfully have never had a problem.

When it comes to parenting your child everything is up for debate and judgment, breastfeeding just one of them. Breast is best or breastfeeding makes your child smarter. There will always be different ideas of what is public and private and people sway in their argument depending on the topic. People will have different comfort zones of how they breastfeed in public. I'm heading back to work and probably leaving my breastfeeding journey behind and thankfully leaving this debate behind. I know though that the diva will give me plenty more to think about and plenty more debates to join in as she has a huge personality and I am sure she will continue to try and get the better of me!

Saturday, 6 February 2016

Project 366: Days 31 - 37

Day 31

Blow your whistle 

Day 32

Blurred tickles 

Day 33

He's home! 

Day 34

My little swimmer

Day 35

Happy birthday to my Diva! 

Day 36

Cake smash
(Diva got a bit overwhelmed on her birthday! Don't think she likes candles. Next day though she tucked in!)

Day 37

The Wee man 

TheBoyandMe's 366 Linky

Sunday, 31 January 2016

Project 366: Days 24 - 30

Day 24

Face time

Day 25

Into everything

Day 26


Day 27

Still into everything

Day 28

Junior scrabble 

Day 29


Day 30

Getting creative 

TheBoyandMe's 366 Linky

Sunday, 24 January 2016

Project 366: Days 17 - 23

Day 17


Day 18

The happy place 

Day 19


Day 20


Reading with daddy

Day 21

Bath time

Day 22

My three 

Day 23

On his shoulders

TheBoyandMe's 366 Linky

Sunday, 17 January 2016

Project 366: Days 10 to 16

Day 10


Day 11

My favourites 

Day 12

Here she comes

Day 13

A ray of sunshine

Day 14

Good morning

Day 15

Lunch date

Day 16

Bad boy don't play 

TheBoyandMe's 366 Linky

Saturday, 9 January 2016

Project 366: Days 1 - 9

Day 1

The influence of the masters: Mondrian 

Day 2

Gnam Gnam 

Day 3

My home made hero

Day 4

Spiderman lego 

Day 5


Day 6

Two in a box

Day 7


Day 8

If you're happy and you know it...

Day 9

Easy life

TheBoyandMe's 366 Linky

Saturday, 28 November 2015

When everything matters

It's months away but already the wee man is planning his birthday party. He is planning it whether we like it or not. If we choose to say no well I think that would be the end of the world for him. Finally things are starting to matter to our 4 year old. Gone are the days when we as parents could freely choose without involving him. Well I am a mum and not a dictator and sometimes I swear I have the word SUCKER etched on my head which helps his case. Now is the time when my parenting skills really start to matter. Never mind the baby books, the parenting books, the articles my friends post on social media about the 'top ten things to do to raise your child as"insert said manner here"'. I laugh because I applaud anyone who can think like that when you are in the thick of it. I just try and stay calm and not shout which takes enough energy as it is. I have to think about the important values I would like him to consider which will hopefully bode him well in the future especially when the views of his peers and the big wide world influence him even more. Now I need to decide whether Santa Clause is really real and how much is the tooth fairy going to give. He honestly came home from school the other day and innocently asked "When are we going to Disneyland Paris?" It was not can we go but an assumption that if his friends are doing it well so should we. Friendships really REALLY matter now! The friends list is like a sacred thing and I myself am not sure of the rules. We are trying to go with you can be friends with more than one person and even if you don't want to play you can at least say hi. The thing is that a lot of what matters to him now is done a lot without me. Which parent does not want to be that fly on the wall in the school play ground. There is a programme on Channel Four about the life of 4 year olds and I think I should watch it and probably take notes! 
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