My journey started what now seems like a while ago but yet remains so fresh that I still take each step slowly and don't want to look too far ahead. I catch myself thinking sometimes that maybe I'm being a bit over confident, what if I write something positive and then it all goes down hill again. Anyway here goes.
I'm not sure at what point I decided that I needed to start looking for work again. We decided it was still important that my wee man continued at nursery and he was there for 3 days a week. I always managed to fill my days but it started getting a bit difficult to justify. Obviously financially we were losing out but we tried not to make that put any pressure on any decision that I made. I know I would have never gotten to that point without talking to someone. I had done counselling before though and the whole process of having to think it through myself and not just get the quick fix answer frustrated me. This time though I was in a really scary place and it bubbled up and spurted out and talking helped. It helped me through the muddle and to find some perspective. I never thought I could see any positive in what was happening but counselling helped me to see that I was not failing and giving up. I was struggling and needed a change and needed to move on and I was learning a whole lot about myself. It was okay to take the time to find myself again.
I'll never find the perfect me but I will settle for the positive. The healthier less negative me. I sometimes still feel overwhelmed and my initial instinct of panic hits me. The place where I am now is that I am able to catch myself before the fall. I know a bit more of what I want and a balance that can make me happy.
I love being a mum. I knew that going back to work had to be part time. I had to find a balance that suited me. The days I have with my wee man are very important to me. I have a job that is 3 days a week and 9 to 5 and I'm not bringing "the baggage" of work home with me.
So here I am not charging ahead but moving forward and hopefully being continuously positive.