A mum and a wife and sometimes just me

Wednesday, 7 November 2012

Something more than feelings

I was watching a film the other night "The Way" (totally recommend it) and I found myself feeling so emotional about it all. Sadness and happiness all mixed into a rather strange feeling. When I tried my best to explain this to hubby he said quite simply it's because I have a son as well. Whether it is true or not I was certainly a lot more tearful about it all than I was expecting to be.

It's often expected during pregnancy that you can be a lot more emotional about things. It seems for me though that I have just carried on being more emotional as I raise the wee man. There are those moments when I just want to really squeeze him and kiss him because I just can't get enough of sharing my love for him. Then there are the moments I hear stories and other experiences that are either scary or sad and I start thinking that could be my wee man and I get well emotional and need to squeeze him and kiss him all over again.

I remember well looking at debates when I first had the wee man of how much babies really change your life. I'm afraid I am with the camp where having my wee man has changed my life immensely. It's more than the everyday changes but deep down how will the decisions that I make affect my son kind of changes. Every so often the weight of being a parent rears its head and it never gets easier thinking about it. I want my wee man to be proud of his mummy and I think that comes by making the right decisions by him. I want so  much for him that sometimes it hurts to think I might not be able to get him there. Then I think maybe I am wanting too much. It's something more than feelings, it's responsibility and hope, it's about living life with a son.

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