Home

I'm going home. It sounds so simple when I say it but it's been so long and complicated to happen and be able to book this journey that it was like being on a very emotional roller coaster ride. I had planned last year to go home at Christmas and when I got my job in October I found out that it could not happen. I was pretty disappointed...actually sometimes it was kind of hard to hold back the tears but I did. I then planned to go home in May until I found myself in a place I was not sure I would ever escape from. I'm on a journey to a better place now and have finally been told that I can go on holiday. As soon as I booked the tickets my heart and my steps were lighter. There is the slight disappointment that hubby won't be able to come but he understands this need.

I guess this need comes from needing my mum and my dad to take care of me. I have never felt so far away from home as much as this year. I want to be their little girl again.  It's also partly to comfort them and let them know that I am getting better. Of course they have not seen their grandson for over a year now and well Skype isn't the same as a real hug. They have had to watch his growth and development from afar. I want to take him home and show him off and let them see how proud I am of him and how proud of him they should be too. The bonus of having babysitters and a break is really just an added plus....honest!

I'm not fooling myself though. After all the initial excitement I know that there will be demons to face. You see I left Jamaica for a reason. I had always felt so claustrophobic at home and never comfortable in my flesh to be the real me. A lot of my insecurities started from puberty when I suddenly found it easier to live on the outskirts and what I had always thought of as true friendships were maybe not as strong as I realised. Thinking of a beach holiday at home in Jamaica has never been the same as other beach holidays, it matters how you look and how you present yourself, and if it really didn't that is the assumption I have always lived with. I managed for so long with these insecurities and only now have I faced them that I feel maybe I am comfortable in going home and relaxing and spending time with friends.

Of course I am also dreaming of that first patty with an ice cold Red Stripe.

How do you do family?

So as I start back work hubby makes the comment "So now we are the typical family, you know mum and dad work and the child goes to school", then he thought about it and said "Well not that we would not be typical if you weren't working but you know what I mean". Is there a typical family? How do you do family? Am I brave enough to consider such a topic that is open to heated political debate? I actually have an essay about this somewhere and was tempted to get it out and reread it...BUT...somehow I resisted. Thankfully I will not get graded on this blog post. 

We all know the mum and dad and 2.5 kids scenario does exist...defined as the nuclear family if we want to be technical...but it is certainly not THE definition of family any more. I mean you have single parent families, extended families, step families, fostered and adopted families (add others here as you think of them). Yet it's not just the structure that's changed but it's the assumptions of how we should "do" family as well. Decisions like who works and who stays at home? Parents managing with health problems, alcohol or drink problems, parents with disabilities or taking care of a child with disabilities. So many parents are out there fighting for the support they need to make their families work that it's constantly changing. Never mind personal values, ethics and beliefs and your own history based on the way you were raised.

We are a small family, mum, dad and son. Our extended family of grandparents and aunties live far away, so though a supportive network, we tend to rely on each other as a couple to get our family to work. We e-mail and we skype and to stay connected with our family. I have many homes and we hope to be able to travel as much as possible to visit them. We hope to be a bilingual family. I could not afford to stay at home really if we want to buy that dream house and give our son everything he needs (or should I say what we think he needs). He had to go to nursery cause there is no one else for babysitting duties. That's the simple version of how we do family. Ever thought about how you do family?

Family ties

So every morning I watch "Wanted Down Under"...families thinking of moving to Australia and New Zealand, looking for that better lifestyle and standard of living. I wonder how much these families actually think it through before they go and what images they are getting sucked into...sun...adventure...being able to afford more...because they are always surprised when they get there. The killer though is always the bit at the end where they have the family and friends video from home. I don't know whether to cry with them or tell them to suck it up........

You see for a long time now I have always lived a long way from my family. It's funny for me thinking of this sentimentality because I decided to go to University abroad to get away from family and gain some independence. I always had a claustrophobic experience living in Jamaica. I feel really bad because it was not that hard to say goodbye! I mean yes I was going to miss my family but the excitement of the new experiences drowned those feelings out. To be fair though I guess at first it was never an intended forever move and I was home for the Christmas and Summer. Somehow though when it came to look for a job I started looking in the UK and have never looked back. I can't say that I left all my family at home either because I have one sister living in the United States and the other in Barbados. I can go several years without seeing them all and it's rare these days to find us all together at the same time.

So if I got a video from home it would just be from my mum and dad. What does that say about my family ties? We are still a very close family and they support me in the most amazing ways even if it's from a distance. I am starting my own family now and I will admit it's hard knowing my family is so far away from it all and I guess there is a small temptation to just drop everything and run back home...but that's not my reality.

Home is where the heart is?

I have recently been having thoughts about home. Hubby's sister recently commented on facebook that she has lost count of how many places she has lived but she definitely new for sure where she calls home now, even though that is technically not the place she is living at the moment. As someone who's favourite thing is travelling and not just to go on holiday but to live and breath other places has been magical and made the concept of where is 'home' kind of elusive.

I left my first home when I was 18 to go to University in the UK. I always felt a little claustrophobic in Jamaica and this was my chance to grow up and gain my independence. Every summer and Christmas though I would gleefully say I am going home to spend time with family and friends. I went home to get married. Actually even though I have been living for several years in the UK, not just studying any more but working, actually considered a resident of Scotland, I still say to people if I am going to Jamaica that I am going home!

My husband is Italian and so we have been to Italy on several occasions to visit his family and friends. It has gone beyond just needing to see the sights. My new family lives there now and hubby's close friends have become mine as well. When I eventually learn the language my experience of it all will be even further enhanced.  It is now about going to visit my second home!

We have now been living and working for nearly 7 months in Auckland and it has become our home away from home. These days when people ask hubby and I where we have come from we look at each other first. I am Jamaican and he is from Italy, we usually live in Scotland in the UK but we have been living in Auckland for several months now. 


I guess we are not sure what our future holds and if Scotland will always remain our humble home forever. We do know our home will always be with each other and with our family and friends. So I guess yes home is where the heart is or where pieces of it are anyway!

The Sea or the Mountains?

That is the question!

So as 'seasoned' travellers (well working on being one anyway), Alberto and I like to consider where we would  have our holiday home, like we can afford it! But if we could where would we choose, the mountains or by the sea? Both we obviously enjoy, both have there positive points with very few negatives.

We have recently really enjoyed living so close to the water. In the evenings sometimes we hear the big bull horn of the cruise ship leaving and just smile to ourselves, its just 'kinda cool'. There is nothing like a beach day to leave all your thoughts behind you. Lazing on the sand with the sun on your back, long walks on the beach with the sound of crashing waves, eating fresh fish with a glass of wine. Hey, I grew up on a small island so I guess you would think that the beach is somehow a part of me.

Hubby has always loved the mountains, so as soon as we met he was teaching me how to ski, one of the things he has professed that he lives for. I have experienced the mountains in both the summer and the winter and both times have been breathtaking. I remember opening the curtains for the first time from our rented apartment and seeing this glorious view while having a cup of coffee and reading my book, the words are lacking to describe the moment. Freezing while watching the sunset on the snow over the mountains is magical.

For us the mountains have won us over. We will never say no to a beach holiday but the mountains peace has captured us.