A question of love and attention

Bump 23 weeks 

The one thing I have enjoyed about this pregnancy is not spending too much time questioning what kind of mum I'm going to be. I have not touched a book about parenthood, been tempted to buy a parenting magazine or got caught up in parenting forum debates. I know very well every child is different and I'm sure she is probably going to throw things at me that I have not been confronted with before. I figure I have plenty of time to question what to do once she is born. I do secretly hope to be more relaxed about facing it but definately plan not to be so hard on myself. I surprise myself by being excited about how different her personality and character will be and it's a fun guessing game discussion with daddy.

There is one question that inevitably raises it's head with number two though and it seems to be a question of love. Will I care and love my second as much as my first? How is this new bundle going to fit into our family of 3? It's the one thing that you know for sure you do right by your child by loving them unconditionally. There is plenty of love here though I think and I can already feel the bond growing with this wriggling bump.

One thing the wee man definitely has at the minute is all of my attention. I can't help but wonder how it will be for him when he suddenly has to share it. Lots of people ask me actually how does he feel about it and all I can really say is he seems okay. He definately has not said he does not want a baby sister and sometimes he even says "my baby." He is speaking so sweetly about it at the minute and gives my bump plenty of cuddles and kisses. We include him as much as possible in this journey and hope that always keeping him involved will help. He is generally great with babies and I can see him being a good brother. At the end of the thoughts in my head though I will just never really know until she gets here.

My little kicker

Bump at 21 weeks

The second pregnancy will always be different from the first. I got bigger a lot quicker. I'm a lot more tired having to also take care of a 3 year old. I also started to feel flutters from as early as 15 weeks. The flutters have only gotten stronger and stronger. This is one busy baby....seriously! I can't sit quietly for 5 minutes! When I went for my 20 week scan I got confirmation of the action. The baby just never stopped moving and I almost had to go back to get all the necessary measurements. Thankfully a quick pee (from baby too supposedly) sorted that out. Obviously there is genuine joy in feeling all the movement and nothing like a tummy rub to do some bonding with baby. 

A new journey

I've never been sure what propelled me onto this parenting journey but here I am. I also never thought I would enjoy this blog so much for being able to record the journey either. It's amusing looking back at old posts and old questions I asked myself in pregnancy. It's also interesting to look back as our journey now moves forward. Our new journey did start quite a while back and it's certainly held its ups and downs but here I am again expecting number 2.

It's a very different journey to my first and if you believe a lot of the old wives tales that could be because we were told it's going to be a girl (with a 95% disclaimer that is). I struggled a lot with morning sickness and usually made my way through a 2 litre bottle of ginger ale a day. It was only after 15 weeks there seemed to be a light at the end of the tunnel. Moving across the country added a bit to the strain and I still had a 3 year old to entertain!

Here we are though settling ourselves into Sheffield and trying to organise for a family of four. I don't find myself asking many of the questions I thought with number one and am blindly hoping to be able to cope with what each new day with 2 will bring. Probably the one thing I learnt pretty quick with number 1 is that no matter how much you try you can never fully prepare yourself for the parental emotional rollercoaster ride.

Nesting...I don't think so.

Definition:The nesting instinct is the name given to the distinctive urge to clean, tidy, and organize that occurs during pregnancy.

I have experienced lots of symptoms during my pregnancy but this is just not one of them. I figure I have always hated house cleaning and will always hate house cleaning. Thank goodness we only live in a small flat! When the bean actually arrives I fear how downhill it will all really go. When the grandparents come to visit that will be there job...the irony of course being that it will probably grate my nerves as it's my flat and I hate when other people take over...yes I'm a bit of a control freak. 

I can't even say I have "enjoyed" the shopping part and getting everything the bean needs. Tag a product as baby and all of a sudden it jumps up in price! Choosing a pram was worse than shopping for a car. Do you get new born clothes or 0-3 months? All they do is eat, poo and sleep and grow out of the clothes you just bought them TOO QUICK! I was told not to worry too much about that anyway as there would be an influx of gifts...I'm still waiting for the influx :( 

As for decorating the nursery...well it's a rented flat that we can't really change that much...so other than adding a cot to an already small room which had a double bed and a desk...there was not much else I could really do! Never mind I am having a boy and the room is pretty in pink!

Oh well I will just have to make do with all the other symptoms pregnancy has entailed...sleepless nights, heartburn......

My birth story

*Warning* Personal post ahead

Ok so you do learn funny and interesting things about yourself when you are pregnant. It's a great time to hear from your own family..."You know when you were born...." and "You know when you were young......".  It's great when it's anecdotal and I am yet to be told these stories as a means of conveying advice so fingers crossed it stays that way....unless I phone them up crying and begging! 

As an activity to get to know each other and break the usual lecture class routine we were asked at my NCT class to say where we were born and something about our birth. I realised it was something that I had never really thought to ask my mother. I was told that I was going to have a big baby so the most I have asked is "how much did I wiegh when I was born?" and that was as most as I could contribute. So it wasn't long before I was on the phone to my mother to find out what happened. It was great as well because it was actually an "exciting"story. 

My mum had to be induced. Then she was told by her doctor that she was in for a long wait and he went away. The sister and nurse remained with my mum and sister then asked my dad to leave the room and was rubbing mum's back and trying to comfort her. My mum then said she needed to pee and so the nurse gave her a bed pan. While she was trying to pee though she found she couldn't and it felt very funny to her. So she asked the nurse what it could be...when the nurse turned around and looked at my mother she told her to "Stop what you are doing!" and ran out the room. She flew past my father which made him panic signing to the others to phone the doctor and said to my father "It's the baby!". My mum was then raced through to the delivery room. When the doctor arrived he calmly said to my mother to "Stop what you are doing, I just have to put on my gloves" then he turned around and caught me.

I also learned that I was born on the same day as my father's mum! I am going to have to start asking some more questions about me now...after all how much do we really remember about growing up and what does it say about who we are now!

Information overload

Well I have learnt so many new things since I have been pregnant that it's amazing. I really wasn't expecting it to be like this...so much to learn...I mean come on women have been doing this since the beginning of time. My mother finds it fascinating all the resources I am able to tap into cause 'they never had that in my day!'. As we have developed and learnt we have also become risk averse and have to watch our step through every week of pregnancy. Every little niggle I find myself trawling the internet and it's fascinating to find that usually someone has some sort of answer out there for the same question whether they be a professional or not. I stop myself for a minute then and realise that I only trust those who give me an answer that relieves my nerves rather than makes me anxious...what's the point in that!!!

My dad gave me some advice at the beginning...hubby is supposed to buy me a book and read it and then tell me what I need to do when the baby arrives...interesting! He also advised me to buy some body lotion and get hubby to rub my belly every night...I liked that idea better. I have looked though at the different books that are available...where does one begin and where does one end?!?! Everyone has got a bit of advice and sometimes (or most times) its conflicting. 

I never knew before that you could have a Gina Ford baby? I thought I was having a Montagnoli baby!

In the home stretch...

I'm 32 weeks

I can't see my toes

I'm generally quite tired by 9ish...yet find myself unable to settle to bed until around 12ish...finally start drifting off to sleep and then comes that well known burning sensation...reach for the Gaviscon...a bit of relief...last time I looked at the clock it said 12.30...now it reads 3am as I get up desperate to pee. After that I wake everytime I need to turn over or I actually wake myself up from snoring and lets not forget the odd kick from the bean. Suddenly the clock is saying 7am...that can't be I don't feel like I've slept. 

The joys of the 3rd Trimester...it's good practice for the beans arrival in March when he will be the one keeping me awake. Did I mention he will be a picses...a dreamer...he hates routine...sleeps and eats when he wants.

I'll never truly be able to prepare myself but I'm funnily still nervously excited!

I love my bump

From Brina Bird

Ok so technically I am not really into blogging about certain private aspects of my life...like my pregnancy...but today I guess I am giving in. I read a post the other day on a blog which got me thinking so much that I just had to say something. She talks quite openly about her experience of pregnancy (a lot more lyrically than I probably could) and the last thing that was said left a huge impression as she talked about women, their bodies and their insecurities. I have had my fair share of insecurities for sure but not once have I considered the changes in my body just now as one of them.........

From Brina Bird

When I realised that I was pregnant the first exciting thought was that I get to watch my belly grow (ok there were a lot of other strange and daunting first thoughts but we won't get into those). I actually did not realise how slow the process actually takes (and slowly you begin to learn that there is a lot of things about pregnancy that you don't know and then it does start overtaking your life and the only thing people want to talk about to you is how your pregnancy is going). It was actually a bit frustrating at first because I just wanted people to know...I felt and still do feel proud to show my bump off. At the minute when I put my jacket on you might not notice and I can't wait till you definitely can! The tighter the top the better as well! Lol.

From Brina Bird

As it gets bigger, it gets a bit more uncomfortable and just taking your shoes on and off becomes a huge process....but...to be honest....I love my bump!

From Brina Bird