Mummy at work

I was going to entitle this post excuse me but I have to work as I guess some sort of an apology for the lack of anything on my blog recently. The thing is is that I do have lots of thoughts and want to get lots down but well.....mummy's at work. I guess it takes time for anyone to settle into a new job, accept that the first few weeks you might make some mistakes and then you figure things out get on a roll and before you know it you've been working for a company for a few years...well it usually happens something like that for me anyway. Now though I am a family of three and work life balance has become hellishly complicated. 

It's not about struggling with the early mornings. 

It's not about fighting over who get's the car. Though I have unfortunately found out that without car my job is close to impossible to carry out.

It's not about being overwhelmed with work after only 6 weeks on the job.

It is a little bit about having to work late most nights and sometimes having to tell work I'm sorry I can't because I have to go pick up my son. Hubby will soon be more flexible with his time though so that will make that part a little bit easier.

It's a lot about missing my son and all the lovely time we used to spend together. He loves nursery as well so I don't really have that guilt. I actually don't feel guilty about working because it's good for me and keeps me sane. What is the saying? The grass is always greener on the other side. 

To blog or not to blog?

Yes that is the question. Recently I joined the netmums blogger network and got a badge. Then I started following some parent blogs. Then I found out about britmums and well as you do I joined up. I started not only following blogs of interest but left comments too. I even joined in a meme!!! You see they say that is way to get people to find out about your blog and if your lucky they might start following you (hmmm that's yet to happen). I did at least start getting more traffic though. I finally found out what SEO meant, learnt that people where going to conferences and even getting awards. Everyone was writing to get noticed. I have talked about the pressure that put on me already. Blogging is not supposed to be about pressure though is it? You see I notice now that a lot of the blogs I enjoy reading suddenly start doing reviews of all the fancy products they get for free in the mail and tell me about how good it is...yeah I know...this review is in no way influenced by the marketer. That's the power of blogs these days, it's great for advertising. Then you get memes, linky's or whatever you want to call them. I could probably find one for everyday of the week and never have to write a personal post that I thought of myself again.  I started to follow a lot of new blogs and it's amazing how very quickly they all follow this vain of advertising, linking, facebooking, twittering all in the name of getting noticed but unfotunately for me I personally feel they lose out. Their voices drift as blogging seems to become a job and a way of living....professional. It can be to the point where followers get hooked, begging for more. Readers can actually become quite demanding with expectations of what you are going to tell them and maybe deservedly so cause we bloggers put them there.

I started back work this week and well I just never really could find the time to blog. Actually I probably could but somehow just did not feel compelled. You see I found myself racing home to spend time with my son as time suddenly became this valuable commodity. Friday came and I knew I should be putting on my Friday song choice...but that was just it...the only song that came to my head that morning was about a little green frog that went hmmm hmmm as I stuck out my tongue and made my son laugh. Saturday I usually find a funny picture of my son to post so others can think up a caption but instead I just wanted to live those funny pictures and not worry about what others thought of them. 

To blog or not to blog? yeah I will be honest I want to blog and I do want others to read it. I have little moments where I have thoughts that I want to get down and share. It's a release and it feels good to express myself. I'm just going to do it differently now. So it may not be everyday, once a week or once a month as recommended to keep my readers (who are very limited anyway) enthralled and happy. It will be just enough to make me happy and maybe embarrass my son for when he is older.

It takes someone special to do what you do?

Does it? I don't know what it is about my job that makes people say that to me? I am not special I just decided to do something different, actually I just kind of started doing it and it's what I know now.

So I really don't want to talk about my work but here I am thinking about it and speedily writing it down before I forget. I work with children with disabilities and have been doing it for quite a long time now where I can claim to be experienced. But what do I really have experience in? I am really not sure if I am any better at doing what I have been doing for so long. It can be the type of job that defines who you are but I have refused to make it do that. It is my job but yes I insist on having a life outside of it. There are days when I actually run away from it as it threatens to come home with me. I actually decided to do a social work degree to give myself some space from it and get some experience in other areas of working with those 'in need', willingly shouting from the rooftops 'NO I DO NOT WANT TO CHANGE THE WORLD' only to find out that is what social work is all about...change. It was not just changing others but changing myself, experiencing myself, getting in touch with who I am that sometimes I got to feel a bit uncomfortable with it all.

I am yet to put my new found self into action and find myself here in Auckland again doing respite work with children with disabilities. My interview went well and I thought maybe too well because they seemed so excited about having me that I might have sold myself too much. I have learnt not to expect huge change and small steps is good. Never expect to hear thank you and a great appreciation for the amount of effort you put into things, and that is not just from the young people by the way. The best feeling is the one I had today which drove me to this ramble. One of the young people was having his dinner and we were chatting and he asked me a question and simply used my name when he addressed me. Yes that's it, I was more than just someone, I was Sabrina.