Feeding the Diva

This is the type of post that sits in your head but you are not quite sure how to write it, much less give it the right title. The thing is my breastfeeding journey with the diva has been a very large part of my journey as a second time mum. It started the same way like with the wee man, positive. She presented as a good feeder, we had a good latch, all the right things were being said. Yet a week in and I was being told again - the baby has lost too much weight - the baby is still not putting on enough weight. Tired enough from the lack of sleep during the night, craving for whatever rest I could get during the day I had again to express and top up feeds. Thankfully at least this time half an hour of expressing actually produced something. I cried as I could not believe it was happening again. I can't explain that feeling of defeat when you think you might have to give up breastfeeding. As ready as I was to accept that I may have to offer the Diva formula it felt "bad". That's why personally I can't watch videos which shows how natural and "beautiful" breastfeeding is supposed to be. Great if you appreciate and love all the artsy photos of mummies breastfeeding as it is no longer my cup of tea. For me and many other women I met it was hard work. So many stories of sore and bleeding breasts, difficulties with the latch, babies not putting on weight. Sometimes there did not seem to be a specific reason and there certainly weren't any straightforward answers! I joined a group run by my local children's centre and went every Monday. It's probably what got me through those first weeks and here I am a year later still breastfeeding. I am actually here with a Diva who refuses everything except the breast and finds it the best form of comfort but her "attachment" to me is a whole new post! I gave myself time limits... I can do this till 3 months.... Ok I can do this till 6 months. Yet it was constantly meeting other women who too really struggled with breastfeeding that got me through it. Sometimes it just felt like she would never finish a feed and no I don't miss constantly waking throughout the night as sleep deprivation was crazy real for me.

We did both get more confident at it and now that it's not a life sustainer a mum can relax a little. Latching and positioning are finally a worry of the past. Actually the question I get greeted with now is when am I going to stop. Being proud of how far we have come and squeezing those thighs and thinking "gosh this is from my hard work" has maybe made me a bit sensitive of the subject. It's a shame there needs to be any sort of hashtag about normalising breastfeeding because how else is my diva supposed to eat. That part of breastfeeding being natural makes sense as that's what breasts were made for. It's really noones business how you choose to feed your child so I don't take part in the whole breast versus bottle debate. I made my choice though and battled to see it through so when I hear of anyone having an issue of women breastfeeding in public it does pain me. I mean I lost ownership of my breasts long ago, they don't "pop" out when she wants to feed and if you see anything sexual about me feeding my child then you have a problem. I thankfully have never had a problem.

When it comes to parenting your child everything is up for debate and judgment, breastfeeding just one of them. Breast is best or breastfeeding makes your child smarter. There will always be different ideas of what is public and private and people sway in their argument depending on the topic. People will have different comfort zones of how they breastfeed in public. I'm heading back to work and probably leaving my breastfeeding journey behind and thankfully leaving this debate behind. I know though that the diva will give me plenty more to think about and plenty more debates to join in as she has a huge personality and I am sure she will continue to try and get the better of me!

When everything matters

It's months away but already the wee man is planning his birthday party. He is planning it whether we like it or not. If we choose to say no well I think that would be the end of the world for him. Finally things are starting to matter to our 4 year old. Gone are the days when we as parents could freely choose without involving him. Well I am a mum and not a dictator and sometimes I swear I have the word SUCKER etched on my head which helps his case. Now is the time when my parenting skills really start to matter. Never mind the baby books, the parenting books, the articles my friends post on social media about the 'top ten things to do to raise your child as"insert said manner here"'. I laugh because I applaud anyone who can think like that when you are in the thick of it. I just try and stay calm and not shout which takes enough energy as it is. I have to think about the important values I would like him to consider which will hopefully bode him well in the future especially when the views of his peers and the big wide world influence him even more. Now I need to decide whether Santa Clause is really real and how much is the tooth fairy going to give. He honestly came home from school the other day and innocently asked "When are we going to Disneyland Paris?" It was not can we go but an assumption that if his friends are doing it well so should we. Friendships really REALLY matter now! The friends list is like a sacred thing and I myself am not sure of the rules. We are trying to go with you can be friends with more than one person and even if you don't want to play you can at least say hi. The thing is that a lot of what matters to him now is done a lot without me. Which parent does not want to be that fly on the wall in the school play ground. There is a programme on Channel Four about the life of 4 year olds and I think I should watch it and probably take notes! 

My School Boy

So I have officially ironed my first uniform, baked my first cake and now he has brought home a story sack. I can't say he started school with great eagerness and well if you ask him he will probably tell you that school is terrible! I think secretly though he is actually enjoying himself and has quickly made friends. We were overly proud when he was the first star of the week! Supposedly he has been very eager and helpful.

For me it has been amazing watching the learning process. It's completely different to what I know so I am learning as well. We have already started reading short sentences. What is even better is how much it excites him and how much he wants to do it. Practising his writing is a new favorite

I was pretty nervous about our first parents teachers meeting but I think we all passed with flying colours. His teacher speaks very positively about him. I'm really proud of my school boy and can't quite believe how grown up my wee man has become.

Perpetual motion

My diva is in constant perpetual motion. From 3 months she decided it would be fun to roll over both ways. It was only a quick escape on my part to the toilet before I was heralded by high pitch screaming. The Diva had found herself in a new position that at the time she just could not get out of! Quite frankly from birth it seemed she always preferred to stand. Hold her hands now and she will promptly pull herself up. At 5 months she started experimenting with her knees. Her arms don't seem strong enough yet to do a proper crawl but she gets about quite efficiently like a quiet soldier on the attack. I'm not quite sure her plan but obviously at 6 months she is ready for adventure. Everything within reach is fair game. Her eyes are wide and alert and say let's go. I guess it's time to start house proofing. 

Siblings in June

I always new the wee man had a genuine caring nature. So I should not be surprised about his genuine love and care for his sister.

 There is great comfort in being able to leave the room and knowing I can trust him to look out for her. I love the moments best when you catch him unawares entertaining her. He will sing for her, read her a story and get her toys. She loves it too as she has huge smiles. She is hard work my diva too but he takes it all in his stride. He has gotten so much better at entertaining himself now which really helps too when she is being extra demanding of my time. It's been great remembering with him all that he used to do as she plays with his old toys. 

There have even been secret kisses and he does not generally do kisses these days. I am really enjoying watching this relationship grow.

The gardens at Chatsworth



Last weekend we enjoyed a beautiful sunny day at Chatsworth. We decided to have a picnic with friends in the house gardens. The gardens are expansive so even with the crowds there was plenty of space for everyone. It's also not the cheapest of outings but we got our money's worth as we explored for the whole afternoon.  Particular favourite spots included the rocks garden which consists of huge boulders that you can climb on. The maze took us ages to figure out and the cascade was pretty impressive. Being peaceful to just relax and with loads of space to run about and explore it offered something for everyone. We enjoyed a well deserved ice cream after a busy day. 

My Diva

A new pet peeve is when people ask me if I have a good baby. I ideally want to say to be honest she is not just bad she seems to be evil. I know when they think good they think about a baby that sleeps well and hardly cries. My baby thinks sleep is for the weak and does not cry but screams when she is ready! Fortunately I certainly don't think any baby is bad and my baby certainly is not possessed by evil spirits. You see she has the most beautiful smiles. She is really clever rolling about already. She loves her music and toys. 

So I have settled on calling her my diva, she's just high maintenance. I have changed my whole vocabulary when it comes to parenting her and it's all about survival. With two children the last thing I need to worry about is spoiling her. So yes often she shares the bed with me, we have discovered the joys of baby wearing and I am not worrying about when she will sleep through the night.