I have always thought and now I know for sure that you don't know the truth about motherhood until you become one, A MOTHER. You see it really is a secret club that they don't let you join until you go through the labour pains and enjoy the first week of sleepless nights. All you are entitled to know before that is the happy stories and if you are lucky maybe a bit of general bitching but this is accompanied by laughter because don't worry it's not all that bad. Now I have entered the club finally I KNOW THE TRUTH!
The wee man has given me my fair share of worries which I have managed to work my way through. Finally though I have been met with a real challenge. I realise like with most feelings you hear others are feeling; as much as you can empathise you never really know what is going on inside. You see I thought I knew how to manage a sick baby until now. The hardest part is that you know they are not well but the only way they can really tell you is to cry and be generally miserable but they can't point to specifics so you are left guessing. At what point do the signs point to REAL danger! Nothing could have prepared me for what has happened in the past few days.
I guess I should not scare you because according to the paediatrician here in Italy it's only a sore throat. I knew things were getting bad when after a long sleep in Gatwick while travelling on the plane to Italy he was still tired and just wanted to sleep. I could feel the heat emanating and was not surprised that once in Italy his fever clocked 38.9. Some paracetamol and bed he managed to make it though the night. The next day saw him refusing any food to pass his lips, I took this all lightly, still thinking maybe teeth until he refused his yoghurt. I decided a trip to the doctor would allay some fears and we were prescribed antibiotics and paracetamol. The damn fever just would not go away. That night he was at 40 and I thankfully had my sister to rely on to give some further advice. So with some ibuprofen and further doses planned through the night the wee man settled to bed.
It's a bit silly of me I guess but when I headed to my bed and I could smell the vomit without thinking I ran to his room. Yes I actually wondered if my little wee man was still breathing and had not choked while sleeping. Simply the worst thought ever. There he was whimpering in his sick. I did not even think about it I just said I want to take him to the hospital. A long story short, when given ibuprofen at the hospital the fever refused to abate so he stayed with me there for the night on a drip to keep him hydrated. He cried and cried as they searched for a vein. I'm the mummy so I had to be strong and be the comforter but the tears came to my eyes as I watched not able to stop his tears. Thankfully that night he slept. Today has been a long day but we are now home and the fever slowly fades away.
Its at times like these that make you understand what it means as a mother to worry about your child. That I can't always take risks when it comes to his health. That I want to be stronger than I can always be. That there is so much to being a mum that I'm learning everyday. I'm on this emotional roller coaster ride which I never ends.