So when you get pregnant one of the usual questions is "What are you having?". Boy (blue), Girl (pink) or Yellow (it's a surprise!). The good old nature/nurture debate...is gender all about biology or socialisation or if you are like me you jump on the it's a bit of both bandwagon. They are couples out there who have gone gender-neutral and boy did it cause debate! So much so I realised that maybe I do not want to write this post cause I don't honestly really do controversy. I do controversy in safe places with friends and as recently they all seem to be either pregnant or have babies, gender and "how you do it" is usually a topic that crops up.
I'll admit it...I wanted a boy...simply because I hate faffing about with hair...I think that is why it was decided that my son should be born with lots of it just to get back at me. I do think my son was born with his own little personality. Often me and hubby wonder to ourselves where the hell he got the idea to behave like that from. I do know as well though that I am also going to be responsible in shaping his little personality in some way. I want to say that from becoming a parent a part of me does think that boys are inherently different to girls but who can deny socialisation when it stares you so hard in the face.
I tend to pick and choose toys that will stimulate and that he appears to have fun playing with rather than whether it's suitable for him as a boy or girl. Yet I'm not sure I am going to go out and buy him a doll...he has so many girl friends though that he will have plenty of opportunity to play with them if he likes. Yes he wears "boys" clothes especially now that he is growing up and it actually often frustrates me over the lack of choice there is for boys than there is for girls. I am not a fan of him getting away with making a mess and being more boisterous because "he's a boy, that's what boys do." I know that others will respond to him differently as he grows up because yes he is a boy, soon to be teenager, soon to be man (oh my goodness...looking that far ahead I am kind of scaring myself) and in some ways surely he needs to be prepared for that...not that I am really sure how to prepare him.
I think the easiest way out of this whole gender debate is for me to just to love him as much as I can. He will get too many cuddles and too many kisses and hopefully know that however he is as a boy it's good enough for me (as long as he learns to treat the girls nicely).
How do you do gender?
I've been thinking about this a lot recently. It's certainly a hot debate ey !
ReplyDeleteI have a girl, and am not a fan of too much princes faffieness. Having spent a fair amount of my working life working in early years type settings I can definitely say that one thing which affects child's view of gender is their parents attitudes more than if they play with barbies or cars lots ! And interestingly when boys come to play at our house, they tend to go for the hoover or cooker toys which some would class as girlie toys. I'm constantly shocked at the gender bias in kids books though, SO many more photos of boys in books with kids in than girls. It's a bit shocking ! But equally I think there are lots of parents trying to keep their boys 'manly' so would never let them dress up as fairies etc which is a real shame. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and making me think about it more.
p.s my girlie wears quite a lot of pink or people think she's a boy, so I guess I am a little into having a recognisable gender !???
I think I am definitely into recognisable gender as well but may need to argue with hubby about the wee man wearing a fairy outfit. He does love cleaning the house and it's a favourite activity he does with his nonna. Never noticed about the books...will need to keep my eyes open for that one.
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